In Other News: Water Still Wet, Experts Stunned – November 26, 2025 Edition

In Other News: Water Still Wet, Experts Stunned – November 26, 2025 Edition

CDC Quietly Updates Website: “After 25 Years of Gold-Standard Studies, We Still Can’t Find Any Link Between Vaccines and Autism… Again ”In a revelation so shocking it caused three CNN anchors to spontaneously combust and the entire Karens of Facebook to clutch their essential oils, the CDC slipped out a little “oh by the way” update confirming (checks notes) the 10,000th study showing vaccines don’t turn kids into little Rain Men. Yes, the same agency that accidentally panic-lit the mommy-blogosphere with some poorly worded guidance a few weeks ago has now tiptoed back to remind everyone that science still works the same way it did when flip phones were cool. Experts are stunned… said no actual scientist ever. Meanwhile, the same influencers who swore mercury in vaccines caused their kid’s gluten intolerance are now pivoting harder than a politician at a fundraiser: “Okay but have you considered the new nano-graphene 5G microchips in the 2025 booster?!” Because nothing screams credibility like moving the goalposts faster than Usain Bolt on Red Bull. The real kicker? The Amish, still chilling with their zero-vax, zero-autism-epidemic lifestyle, just looked up from churning butter long enough to shrug and say, “Told ya.” Somewhere a Big Pharma exec is stress-eating caviar while calculating how many more “reminder” press releases they’ll need before the revenue river stops hiccuping every time RFK Jr. sneezes. Water: still wet.
Sky: still blue.
CDC: still pretending this is breaking news.
Experts: still not stunned, just exhausted. Carry on, nothing to see here… unless you count the collective facepalm echoing across the internet.