Democrat Translation Service
“Because when they speak, it’s never quite what they mean.”Brought to you by the same people who taught us that “mostly peaceful” means “city on fire,” “undocumented” means “illegal,” and “investment” means “we’re spending your grandkids’ money.”
We take the latest pearl of progressive wisdom, run it through our patented Bullsh*t-to-English decoder ring, and give you the [brutally honest translation] in plain text.
Check back daily; the euphemisms change faster than Kamala’s accents.
We take the latest pearl of progressive wisdom, run it through our patented Bullsh*t-to-English decoder ring, and give you the [brutally honest translation] in plain text.
Check back daily; the euphemisms change faster than Kamala’s accents.
Here are my top 5 picks for today’s Democrat Translation Service, pulled straight from the headlines dominating November 25, 2025.
- Sen. Mark Kelly (D-AZ): “Our laws are clear: you can refuse illegal orders.”
Why it’s gold: In a video that’s got the FBI knocking and Trump tweeting “DEATH!”, Kelly’s channeling his Navy captain days like a real-life Captain America—except the shield’s painted blue and aimed at the Oval Office.
[Translation: “Hey troops, if the boss says ‘build the wall higher,’ that’s optional. But if he says ‘free tacos for all,’ court-martial yourself.”] - Sen. Ruben Gallego (D-AZ): “We swore an oath to the Constitution, not to any one man.”
Why it’s gold: Teaming up with Kelly in that same viral clip, this Marine vet is dropping Founding Fathers flexes while the GOP screams “traitor!”—peak 2025 theater.
[Translation: “I pledged to that dusty old paper, not your orange-tinted fanfic. Pass the popcorn while we rewrite the sequel.”] - Rep. Mikie Sherrill (D-NJ): “Service members have a duty to disobey unlawful orders—it’s in the oath.”
Why it’s gold: Fresh off her NJ gov win, this ex-Navy chopper pilot is turning her victory lap into a mutiny TED Talk, racking up Dem cheers and Pentagon side-eyes.
[Translation: “Your oath’s basically a choose-your-own-adventure: Obey the law, skip the dictator chapter. (P.S. We’re writing the law now.)”] - Rep. Abigail Spanberger (D-VA): “The military answers to the rule of law, not political whims.”
Why it’s gold: Another vet from the “disobey illegal orders” squad, Spanberger’s VA gov upset last month makes this sound like insider baseball with extra stakes—love the “whims” shade.
[Translation: “Uniforms come with a rulebook, not a MAGA coloring book. Color outside the lines, and we’ll audit your crayons.”] - Zohran Mamdani (D-NYC Mayor-elect): “We were not shy about the places of disagreement… about the politics that has brought us to this moment.”
Why it’s gold: Post-win glow from NYC’s big upset, Mamdani’s Oval Office chat with Trump (praising him?!) is the awkward family reunion nobody asked for—diplomacy or Stockholm syndrome?
[Translation: “We hugged it out like polite enemies at Thanksgiving. Disagreements? Nah, just flavoring for the revenge stew simmering on the back burner.”]
Mal Antoni at Whatfinger News
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