Woke Word of the Day – December 1, 2025
Top 3 Freshly-Laundered Progressive Buzzwords Currently Being Weaponized Across Campuses, HR Departments, and Blue-Check Timelines
Top 3 Freshly-Laundered Progressive Buzzwords Currently Being Weaponized Across Campuses, HR Departments, and Blue-Check Timelines
1. “Proximity”2025 Approved Definition:
The measurable moral taint you absorb simply by existing too close to whiteness, straightness, maleness, Americanness, or any income above the poverty line, or a functioning nuclear family. Proximity to any of the above is now considered a form of violence more dangerous than actual violence. Problematic usage:
“I can’t be in the same room as Chad; his proximity to cis-het privilege is literally giving me hives. ”Woke alternative:
“I need to maintain 300 feet of emotional and physical de-proximitation for my continued survival. ”Punishment for excessive proximity: Mandatory struggle-session weekend retreat in a yurt with no Wi-Fi and only oat-milk lattes.
The measurable moral taint you absorb simply by existing too close to whiteness, straightness, maleness, Americanness, or any income above the poverty line, or a functioning nuclear family. Proximity to any of the above is now considered a form of violence more dangerous than actual violence. Problematic usage:
“I can’t be in the same room as Chad; his proximity to cis-het privilege is literally giving me hives. ”Woke alternative:
“I need to maintain 300 feet of emotional and physical de-proximitation for my continued survival. ”Punishment for excessive proximity: Mandatory struggle-session weekend retreat in a yurt with no Wi-Fi and only oat-milk lattes.
2. “Lived Experience™”2025 Approved Definition:
An unbreakable trump card that instantly invalidates facts, data, logic, peer-reviewed studies, or your lying eyes. Functions like a Pokémon evolution of the old “as a mother” argument, but with 400% more self-righteousness and zero requirement for evidence. Real-world deployment this week:
Person A: “The crime stats show violent crime is overwhelmingly concentrated in 13% of the—”
Person B: “Check your proximity, bigot. As someone with lived experience™ of reading Robin DiAngelo in a $2,400-a-month Brooklyn studio, I can tell you those numbers are white-supremacy your feelings. ”Legal note: Invoking lived experience™ in a debate now grants the speaker +100 oppression points and immediate custody of the moral high ground, even if their only “lived experience” is crying in a Tesla.
An unbreakable trump card that instantly invalidates facts, data, logic, peer-reviewed studies, or your lying eyes. Functions like a Pokémon evolution of the old “as a mother” argument, but with 400% more self-righteousness and zero requirement for evidence. Real-world deployment this week:
Person A: “The crime stats show violent crime is overwhelmingly concentrated in 13% of the—”
Person B: “Check your proximity, bigot. As someone with lived experience™ of reading Robin DiAngelo in a $2,400-a-month Brooklyn studio, I can tell you those numbers are white-supremacy your feelings. ”Legal note: Invoking lived experience™ in a debate now grants the speaker +100 oppression points and immediate custody of the moral high ground, even if their only “lived experience” is crying in a Tesla.
3. “Centering”2025 Approved Definition:
The sacred ritual of rearranging every conversation, meeting, classroom, family dinner, or Super Bowl party so that the feelings, voices, and Instagram aesthetics of the most aggrieved person present are placed at the literal and metaphorical center while everyone else is required to orbit in silent apology. Acceptable sentence:
“We need to pause the budget meeting and spend the next four hours centering the voices of the non-binary interns who feel micro-aggressed by the fluorescent lighting. ”Unacceptable sentence:
“Let’s center the actual mission of the company for once. ”Penalty for refusing to center: Immediate cancellation, followed by mandatory donation of your paycheck to a GoFundMe titled “Emotional Labor Reparations for People Who Had to Explain Centering to You. ”Runner-up dishonorable mentions circulating today:
The sacred ritual of rearranging every conversation, meeting, classroom, family dinner, or Super Bowl party so that the feelings, voices, and Instagram aesthetics of the most aggrieved person present are placed at the literal and metaphorical center while everyone else is required to orbit in silent apology. Acceptable sentence:
“We need to pause the budget meeting and spend the next four hours centering the voices of the non-binary interns who feel micro-aggressed by the fluorescent lighting. ”Unacceptable sentence:
“Let’s center the actual mission of the company for once. ”Penalty for refusing to center: Immediate cancellation, followed by mandatory donation of your paycheck to a GoFundMe titled “Emotional Labor Reparations for People Who Had to Explain Centering to You. ”Runner-up dishonorable mentions circulating today:
- “Folx” (still pretending the X makes it inclusive)
- “Decolonize your bookshelf” (translation: burn anything written by dead white guys)
- “Joy is resistance” (code for “I’m about to do something expensive and annoying and you can’t criticize it”)
Stay vigilant, stay uncentered, and never apologize for your proximity to based.
This has been your Woke Word of the Day. Tomorrow’s forecast: even more linguistic terrorism.
CLICK HERE FOR COMMENTS