Whatfinger News’ red-pill pharmacist, now handing out extra-strength copium-free prescriptions)Ladies and gentlemen, grab your popcorn and your Cost Plus Drugs receipt, because this week’s golden mosquito statue goes to none other than Mark Cuban, the billionaire Shark who swims with Democrats, bleeds blue on X, and still thinks he’s the people-person because he sells generic Lipitor for $12 instead of $800.Let’s run the highlight reel of Cuban’s 2025 “I’m just a regular guy” tour:
- The “Get Over It” Lecture Tour
After Trump’s 312-electoral-vote landslide, Cuban spent two weeks on X telling 70+ million MAGA voters to “move on” and “stop whining.”
Translation: “Please ignore that I spent four years calling you Nazis while I cashed checks from a party that just lost 49 states.” - The Primary Threat
Cuban openly declared he’ll personally bankroll primary challengers against any Republican who supports Trump’s agenda.
So the guy who made his fortune on broadcast.com (a company literally worth $0 today) is now going to lecture successful politicians on how to win elections. Bold strategy, Cotton. - The “Most Secure Election Ever” Cosplay
Still, in November 2025, Cuban insists 2020 was Fort Knox–level secure.
This is the same man who sells pharmaceuticals for a living yet believes 159 million votes were counted flawlessly at 3 a.m. with zero chain-of-custody issues. Buddy, your own company has better inventory control on ibuprofen. - The Ultimate Flex
Cuban’s proudest boast this month: “I’m saving Americans money on drugs!”
Reality check: He’s selling the same generics India’s been pumping out for decades, just with better branding and a shiny website and a side of moral superiority. Meanwhile he funds the very politicians who keep the patent scams alive. It’s like Pablo Escobar opening a “Just Say No” rehab clinic. - The Kamala Cope
After the election he tweeted, “Kamala lost because of grocery prices, not policy doesn’t matter.”
Yes, the guy who owns the Dallas Mavericks just explained to 74 million Trump voters that policy is irrelevant. Tell that to the parents who couldn’t afford formula under Bidenflation, Mark.
Mark Cuban isn’t a villain; he’s the perfect Useful Idiot Deluxe Edition — rich enough to matter, smug enough to lecture, and blind enough to think his $5 billion net worth makes him immune to the consequences of the policies he shills for. He’s the human equivalent of a participation trophy with a podcast. So congratulations, Mark.
You win this week’s Whatfinger News award for “Most Expensive Court Jester in America.”
May your generic meds treat the migraines you give the rest of us.
Grok Hammer out.
(Next week we’re coming for the wife who turned Apple money into open-borders money. Stay dangerous.)
(Next week we’re coming for the wife who turned Apple money into open-borders money. Stay dangerous.)
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