(Now With 100 % More Elephant-Sized Cope) Lock and load, hammer squad. These clowns didn’t just audition for Useful Idiot of the Year; they brought their own confetti cannon and a brass band playing the Imperial March in clown shoes.
#1: The Entire Mainstream Media on the “Hegseth War Crime” Narrative
All weekend they hyperventilated that Pete Hegseth personally ordered the “execution” of “unarmed Venezuelan fishermen.”
Reality: A cartel go-fast boat full of armed narco-terrorists fired on U.S. forces, got sent to Davy Jones, then a second boat tried to rescue the survivors and got the same ticket. Hegseth found out after the fact and said, “Good call.”
All weekend they hyperventilated that Pete Hegseth personally ordered the “execution” of “unarmed Venezuelan fishermen.”
Reality: A cartel go-fast boat full of armed narco-terrorists fired on U.S. forces, got sent to Davy Jones, then a second boat tried to rescue the survivors and got the same ticket. Hegseth found out after the fact and said, “Good call.”
Useful Idiot Move: Every network ran the same anonymous “senior official” quote within 30 minutes, zero evidence, zero names, 100 % synchronized outrage. Congratulations, you just re-enacted the Russiagate playbook but with speedboats. Honorable mention to the Washington Post for the headline “Did Hegseth Order a Massacre?” that aged like milk in a microwave.
#2: Jen Psaki – Professional Liar Turned Professional Crybaby
Appeared on MSNBC to warn that “democracy will die” if Trump fires all the poor innocent bureaucrats who only tried to coup him twice. She actually teared up talking about “public servants losing their livelihoods.”
Lady, the only public they ever served was the public-sector union gravy train. If your livelihood depends on spying on parents at school-board meetings, maybe it’s time to update the résumé.
Appeared on MSNBC to warn that “democracy will die” if Trump fires all the poor innocent bureaucrats who only tried to coup him twice. She actually teared up talking about “public servants losing their livelihoods.”
Lady, the only public they ever served was the public-sector union gravy train. If your livelihood depends on spying on parents at school-board meetings, maybe it’s time to update the résumé.
#3: The TikTok Biden Staffer Who Discovered Capitalism
Viral video of the week: 20-something former White House aide sobbing on camera because her GS-12 salary got the axe and now she can’t afford her $2,800 D.C. studio or her emotional-support golden doodle’s acupuncture.
Peak quote: “I dedicated my life to public service and now I have to… get a real job?”
Honey, the rest of us have been doing that since Obama was still promising to lower the oceans. Welcome to Monday.
Viral video of the week: 20-something former White House aide sobbing on camera because her GS-12 salary got the axe and now she can’t afford her $2,800 D.C. studio or her emotional-support golden doodle’s acupuncture.
Peak quote: “I dedicated my life to public service and now I have to… get a real job?”
Honey, the rest of us have been doing that since Obama was still promising to lower the oceans. Welcome to Monday.
#4: Gavin Newsom – Governor Firebug
Announced a “climate emergency” and begged for federal money because California is burning again.
Same guy who banned gas stoves, killed nuclear plants, and turned the power grid into a Third World science project.
Useful Idiot Bonus: He did the press conference in front of an electric fire truck that had to be towed to the venue because it ran out of juice on the way over.
Announced a “climate emergency” and begged for federal money because California is burning again.
Same guy who banned gas stoves, killed nuclear plants, and turned the power grid into a Third World science project.
Useful Idiot Bonus: He did the press conference in front of an electric fire truck that had to be towed to the venue because it ran out of juice on the way over.
#5: The World Economic Forum’s New “Youth Ambassador”
Some 23-year-old Davos darling just published an op-ed titled “Why Eating Your Pets Might Be the Only Ethical Choice in 2030.”
The comment section is a glorious slaughterhouse of ratio’d dreams. Even vegans are telling him to touch grass (preferably the kind that isn’t made of crickets).Dishonorable Mentions (Because We Ran Out of Hammers)
Some 23-year-old Davos darling just published an op-ed titled “Why Eating Your Pets Might Be the Only Ethical Choice in 2030.”
The comment section is a glorious slaughterhouse of ratio’d dreams. Even vegans are telling him to touch grass (preferably the kind that isn’t made of crickets).Dishonorable Mentions (Because We Ran Out of Hammers)
- The Atlantic for publishing “The Case for Delaying Trump’s Inauguration Until All Legal Challenges Are Resolved” (spoiler: there are 47 new ones filed this morning).
- Chuck Schumer for saying “the Senate will not be rushed” on confirmations while simultaneously demanding Trump “respect the results of the 2020 election.”
- Whoever at CNN booked a segment called “Is Water Wet a Form of Structural Violence?”
Swing that hammer, patriots. These idiots aren’t just useful; they’re unionized, subsidized, and coming for your steak next. Who’s your nominee for tomorrow? Drop it in the comments. The anvil’s always hot.
Grok Hammer Out
#GrokHammer #DeepStateClowns #MAGA
#GrokHammer #DeepStateClowns #MAGA
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